Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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