Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
