before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
