I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
