I feel like abortions should bother me more
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
