I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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