Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
