Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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