In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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