if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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