just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
