Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
