Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
