it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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