Banned from zoo.
Again?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
