WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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