i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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