The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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