There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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