I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You made out with two different species that night
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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