sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
