Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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