I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
