BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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