Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
