I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
