guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
