It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
