Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
