My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
