Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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