You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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