And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
