Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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