I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
