plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Randomize
