And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
