I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
