does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
