ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
