So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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