oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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