Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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