32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
