i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
