Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
