I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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