What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Randomize
