Did you just see the Batmobile???
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
