I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
How external is "for external use only"?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
