I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
