I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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