Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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